The Weather Outside Is Weather

a couple of days ago it was 125 degrees outside. i used to think 125 degrees only existed on the surface of the sun. now i know iraq also exists on the surface of the sun.

Ziggurat Ur Bust

for several months i lived less than a mile from one of the most historic sites in the world, and did not get to visit it. very disappointing.

Olde Dream

yesterday the last thing i did before going to sleep was watch the saint crispin's day speech from Henry V. then last night i had a dream in old english. weird.

Fierce Bunny: Revenge Of The Rabbit

you might remember the rabid rabbit that tried to attack me a while back. i've learned different people have different ways of dealing with the creature, but not all of them have learned from neville chamberlain. that's right, i'm saying someone tried to appease it.

i was passing by another soldier at the site of the previous attack when the rabbit appeared. doing his best to show no fear the other soldier slowly bent down and poured some lettuce out of a cup onto the ground. the rabbit gave him a "you think you can buy me off?" look, then it showed that man of will what will really was.*

it hopped towards the lettuce but stopped about a yard short. instead of eating the lettuce, it started eating a sandbag nearby. tore the thing to pieces. i can only imagine the fire burning in it's eyes. i give that other soldier credit for not immediately running away like a little girl.

*that line was stolen from "the usual suspects" and used here without permission or a valid reason. it really doesn't make much sense here.

Adapt And Overcome

this war has brought several modifications to the vehicles the army uses. i'm not talking about new types like the MRAP, but about changes to the existing vehicles. for instance, every vehicle now come with air conditioning. very important if you want soldiers sitting in a metal box for hours in 120+ degree heat to be in top fighting shape.

other modifications are just as important and have reportedly come from the innovation of soldiers themselves, such as the current turret system. when the war began, humvee gunners essentially stood in the open, with no armor from the waist up. the story i heard is that one enterprising soldier took some spare parts such as metal plating and bullet proof humvee windows and placed it around the humvee turret to give the gunner some protection. you might think this is the point of the post, but it's not. it's merely a segue.

there's another modification soldiers have been making for years that has not yet been picked up by the army. first let me explain that the way we talk to each other inside vehicles is usually with headsets, each with headphones that cover the whole of both ears and a microphone. the modification, and why this couldn't have been done in previous wars, involves leaving one headset free, then taping headphones from an mp3 player to the microphone. this gives everyone in the vehicles a radio. strange the army left those out. they also missed cup holders.

it's the small luxuries that matter.

What Has Two Thumbs, Is Debt Free And Owns His New Car Outright?

i'm not going to point at my self and do the whole bit cause you can't see me and it was pretty lame even back when it was cool. but it's me, i'm those things. student loans are paid off and i got the title to my car a couple days ago. thanks U.S. Army.

Happy Birthday

the army turned 236 today. in a nice turn of events the army gave us a present and did away with wearing the beret with ACUs (our normal uniform). i kinda like the look of the beret, but it's way to hot in the summer and sometimes hard to keep in the proper shape.

The Army Is A No Go At This Station

i just missed the second GOP presidential debate. i'm 0 for 2. that goes straight onto the list of unacceptable. take me away from friends and family and send me halfway around the world to 120+ degree heat so i can look for IEDs. that's all fine. last deployment the only significant political event i can remember missing was President Obama's inauguration, and i was okay with that. but why do i have to miss almost all of primary season?

the recruiting videos showed people climbing ropes, shooting guns and riding in helicopters, but never showed anyone missing presidential debates. i feel like i was lied to.

The Most Efficient Government Bureaucracy

yesterday i was woken up about four hours after i fell asleep to get another anthrax shot. instead of a single vaccine, anthrax is given over a serious of five shots. thanks to the wonderful army record keeping, yesterday i received my 7th out of 5 shots. probably still have another 1 or 2 to go.

Wicked Witch Of The Middle East

the weather for the last few days has been 122 degrees. that means it's half way to boiling outside. if i ever looked down and say skin melting off my arms i wouldn't be surprised.

also, it's just barely june. what's july/august going to look like?

366 Days And Counting

exactly 1 year from today i will ETS and official rejoin the civilian world.

Blast From The Past

the military radio station here just played the macarena. no further comment.

Happy Mom's Day

hello mother. i don't say this enough, but since congress was nice enough to set this day aside i should let you know in front of family, friends and strangers alike that i love you and am grateful for all you have done.

Great Pic

You Better Recognize

challenge coins are handed out by commanders to recognize a soldier who's done something well. kinder-gardeners get gold stars, we get coins. pretty much everyone in the chain of command, from company commander to the secretary of defense, has their own version of a challenge coin they can give out. not coin as in money, i'm not really sure why they're called coins. the challenge part comes from something we all know but i've never seen in practice. theoretically, when out somewhere, most likely a miltary ball, anyone can issue a challenge. everyone then takes out the highest coin they have and whoever wins gets drinks paid for by the losers. again, i've never actually seen this happen.

there are basically three ways to get a challenge coin. as far as i know everyone gets a company coin when returning from a deployment. the second way is that someone with a coin to issue out could be walking by and see you do something high speed and hand you one to say good job. or, a high up commander can let one of their subordinates know to pick someone worthy of a coin.

there's the history lesson. i bring this up because i recently got one (shown below) through the last method. i was originally told i was being put in for a division coin. word came down that my brigade was to select a certain number of people to receive the coin. my first sergeant nominated me and someone i work with. the nomination went up to battalion where the battalion sergeant major choose ours over the other companies in our battalion and sent it up to the brigade sergeant major who added us to the list to receive coins.

anyways, recently we had a ceremony for the presentation. everyone getting the coins formed up and waited for the 2 star in charge of the division to arrive. instead general austin (4 stars), in command of all of iraq, showed up to give us coins. he said a few words about how we're all great people then went thru the lines shaking our hands, giving us the coins and talking for a little bit. it was kinda cool.

i'm still not good friends with gen austin like i am with gen chiarelli. we're merely acquaintances right now, but i'm working on it.

and then there's this:

Bin Laden Es Muerto

i can celebrate in multiple languages.

word spread fairly quickly around here. every so often a new person would trickle in and there'd be a new round of high-fives.

Eating Plants On Earth Day Sounds Vaguely Cannibalistic

first let me just say i know the title doesn't make much sense, but i think i might have found it funny even if i wasn't sleep deprived, so i'm going with it anyway.

so, over the last 24 hours 2 strange things have happened. first, it rained and rained hard here. that's not really strange, it's not even that rare this time of year. it's more of a segue.

the second event is that i ate a salad for lunch, chicken caesar to be exact. what's more, i liked it and will probably eat it again. but don't worry. when i get back to the states i'll try to hide my salad eating for a while so as not to cause too much of a shock.

Songs Produce Madness

first i'm gonna start this post off with a rhetorical question. have you ever gotten a song stuck in your head? now, if you're a normal human being you'll probably answer with some version of yes. however, if you look back you'll see i didn't start the post off with a rhetorical question and therefore started it off with a lie. this is all just my way of saying i couldn't come up with a good way to bring up the subject.

anyways, i've decided getting a song stuck in your heard is much worse here, because with the stimulus void you can easily go days before getting it out. sometimes a particular song will have an easily traceable path. for instance, the U.S. military operates it's own radio station in iraq and plays it on the buses that shuttle people around the FOB. it has a format that will play all kinds of different music, like it's designed to please no one. it will go from rock to country to rap to pop in four songs. a couple of weeks ago the very last song i heard before getting off the bus at the end of the day was britney spears and i couldn't get it out of my head for 3 days. that's not really the point of this post, just an example, so no need to bring it up again.

i knew where that song came from, so while it was annoying i could manage it. for the last two days i've had "spring time for hitler" stuck in my head (the title of this post is a bit more subtle then i usually go for, but i hope it makes sense now). absolutely no idea where the song came from. it's a mystery for the ages.

When JOE's Attack - Coming This Fall On FOX

first let me start off with a couple definitions so i don't have to interrupt the story too much.

gunner's harness - a series of straps that go over each shoulder, around the waist and under the groin and are buckled in the front. it then connects to the floor of an open top gunner's turret such as on a humvee or mrap. it's designed to keep the gunner inside the vehicle in case of a roll over or large ied.

t-wall - simply a large slab of concrete that rings virtually every U.S. building in iraq.

ok, now it's story time.

a couple of days ago it was the CO's (commanding officer's) birthday, and we celebrated it like the dutiful soldiers were are. he knew we had a surprise planned for him, and he thought he was prepared. he wasn't. leading up to the surprise he was walking around with a hand mike (think corded telephone), swinging it around like nun-chucks thinking it would keep him safe. silly, silly CO.

on the signal we rushed him, picked him up and forcefully put him into a gunner's harness. he put up a good fight, but was no match for us. after getting him into the gunner's harness we duct taped his hands and feet together, connected the gunner's harness to a pulley system we had rigged up earlier, and hoisted him between two t-walls. this was a birthday party so of course there was cake. but since he was swinging back and forth and still making futile attempts to escape we couldn't give him a plate with cake on it and had to settle for throwing it at him. it was kinda like the carnival game where the ducks go back and forth and you have to knock them down with a ball. except it was our CO tied up and we were throwing cake at him.

NO CO'S WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS POST

What's Tan and Drab and Orange All Over?

there is so much sand just hovering in the air here that when i walked outside this morning i thought i was wearing orange tinted eyepro (milspeak for glasses).

My Momma Always Used To Say, "Life Is Like A Box Of Fudge." (She Never Said That, But I'm Incredibly Tired And Couldn't Think Of A Good Title.)

i just want to take a moment to share some reactions to the fudge my wonderful mother sent me. there are several people who, when i offer them more fudge, will say "no, no, i can't eat anymore" as they take one, two, three pieces out of the box. but 2 people in particular provide a good reaction to the chocolaty goodness that arrived.

i'm pretty sure if the DEA saw our first subject eating the fudge they'd classify it as a narcotic. he is incredibly addicted to it. earlier today i told him i had good news and bad news. the bad news was that the box of fudge i'd been sharing was empty. at that point he got visibly depressed. when i told him the good news was that i had a second box and held it out to him, his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning and everything was right with the world again. i'm pretty sure when that box finally runs out tomorrow i'm going to find him shaking and sweating on the floor and have to take him to rehab.

our second subject is my roommate and day time counterpart. when he came in to work to relieve me the first day i had the fudge i gave him some. we had a few pieces while i briefed him on the nights events. then disaster struck and i dropped a piece. there was a multi-day sandstorm going on outside (which easily finds its way inside) and the floor has never met the legal definition of clean, so i picked up the piece of fudge and was going to throw it in our trash can. he caught sight of this and screamed out "NOOOOOOOOO" as if instead of a solitary piece of fudge into the trash i was throwing a box full of puppies into a wood chipper. i was momentarily thrown off by this and he took the window of opportunity to snatch the piece of fudge out of my hand and pop it in his mouth.

so, mother, that is my long winded way of saying you are directly contributing to the societal and medical breakdown of the U.S. Army. delicious, delicious breakdown.

Fierce Bunny

there is a mean, mean rabbit running around these parts. about a week ago i saw it chase a dog. then a few days ago it tried coming at me! i was passing it on my way back from chow when it stopped and gave me the evil eye. at first i was taken in by it wily charms and thought it was peaceful.

then it charged.

i made a shooing motion on the assumption it merely thought i had some food for it. the vicious creature paused for a second, then as soon as i turned my back it resumed the attack. we did this 2 or 3 times (i think it was just savoring the kill) and all i could think was that this was the day i didn't bring my holy hand grenade of antioch. finally i lured it in, let it get close, before i gave a wild kick. i didn't want to hit it (and have the whole bunny clan come after me for a blood debt) so i came close without actually making contact. finally the thing lost its blood lust and ran back to its hole to terrorize others on another day. victory is mine!

ps i thought about using an elmer fudd reference but decided to go with monty python instead.

For You I'm Awake

yes, i'm alive. its been pointed out to me that i haven't posted anything here in a solid minute. this is a combination of being incredibly busy and not having much to say. the former may be mitigated, but i see little hope for the latter. i'll try to figure out some interesting things to talk about, cause you all know i'm a talker, but don't expect anything too regular. it's too busy and boring nowadays.

Questions, Comments, Concerns

most of what is going on here isn't new or noteworthy to me, and most of the stuff that is i can't put out on the interwebs. that being said, what's new normal to me might be interesting to you, but i'm not thinking about it like that. so if you have any questions about whatever, throw them up in the comment section and i'll answer them if i can.

Hey Now, You're A (Former) Rockstar, Come To Kuwait, Get Paid

smashmouth recently came to play in kuwait before moving on to iraq. for those of you who don't know (hi mom) smashmouth was a popular band somewhere around the mid-late 90's. anyways, they were gracious enough to take a break from playing bar mitzvahs (is that too mean?) to travel around here for a bit. they played a lot of songs i didn't know, but eventually got to the ones i remember. all in all it wasn't bad, but i have a huge desire to watch shrek now.

The New Normal Is Still Strange

i've been going to bed at 9pm (except tonight because i have the internet as a new toy) waking up at 5am, eating healthish and going to the gym regularly. what's wrong with me?

HEAT The MEAT

a few days ago i participated in 2 classes called HEAT and MEAT. they stand for HMMWV and MRAP egress assist training. basically its to give us practice getting out of those 2 vehicles after they've rolled over, either upside down or sideways. to do this they take a frame of each of the vehicles and turn them into giant rotisserie chickens. we get in the frames, put on seat belts and they flip us upside down. we then have to unbuckle our seat belts, fall to the roof, unlock and open our door then climb out. very simple and a little bit fun if we didn't have to walk so far to the training site in all our gear.

Meaningless

this is my reminder (if you needed one) that i am very esoteric and confusing. some of what i write here will only make sense to 1 or 2 people. some might even be an inside joke with people who don't even read this so no one will understand. its just the way it is.

Road To Iraq

the army promised to take me to england to see mother maggie. so imagine my suprise when i got off the plane and saw kuwait instead of jolly farm. anyways, i'm here and have been for some time.

In Germany

Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland.

Focus

one thing i've noticed is my focus on the coming deployment. last time it was all i could think about from the time i got back from leave till the time i deployed. now i have to remind myself i'm deploying soon. things are a little backwards. i'll remember i have to suspend my cell phone service, and that will remind me i'm deploying, not the other way around. i'm a strange individual.

The Beginning Of The End

a few people have requested that i start this little shindig up again, so here it is. more to follow.